Stop Chasing Happiness: Lessons from Buddha, Bishop Barron, and Marshall Goldsmith

In our pursuit of happiness, many of us live in a constant state of “once I get there…”—once I get the promotion, finish the project, buy the house, or solve the problem. The irony is that in chasing happiness, we often run right past it.

Three voices—a spiritual teacher, a Catholic bishop, and a executive leadership coach—invite us to consider a different path. Their message is remarkably aligned: happiness isn’t about chasing; it’s about uncovering.

Gautama Buddha: Letting Go to Find Happiness

A famous exchange captures Buddha’s teaching:

“I want happiness,” a man said. Buddha replied, “First remove ‘I’—that’s ego. Then remove ‘want’—that’s desire. What remains is happiness.”

This isn’t about rejecting life’s joys, but loosening our grip on the things we believe will finally make us happy. When we cling—whether to possessions, titles, or even relationships—we create more anxiety than joy.

A story from Buddhist tradition illustrates this truth. A wandering monk once met a poor beggar and gave him a large diamond he had found. The next day, the beggar returned it. “I don’t want this stone,” he said. “I want whatever it is within you that made it so easy to give it away.”

Happiness, Buddha taught, isn’t in the thing we hold, but in the freedom to let go.

Bishop Robert Barron: All Things Must Pass

In one of his Sunday homilies, Bishop Barron reflects on the reality that “all things must pass.” Wealth, recognition, possessions—they’re not bad, but they are temporary. Eventually, they pass to someone else, or they simply fade away.

His advice: wear this world lightly. Appreciate what you have, but don’t cling to it as your source of lasting joy.

He offers the image of cottonwood seeds drifting through the air. Try to grab one, and it slips away. The same is true of the fleeting pleasures of this life—grasping too tightly robs us of the ability to enjoy them.

What endures? St. Paul reminds us: faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.

Marshall Goldsmith: Learning from Your 95-Year-Old Self

Marshall Goldsmith, (Thinkers50 Hall of Fame, #1 Executive Coach, #1 Leadership Thought Leader, #1 NYT Bestselling Author), ends some of his sessions with a thought-provoking exercise: imagine your 95-year-old self, at the end of life, giving you advice today.

In those quiet moments, the same themes emerge again and again:

1. Be happy now—don’t trade today’s joy for a future promise that may never arrive.

2. Value relationships—they matter more than status or possessions.

3. Pursue your dreams—don’t let fear or delay keep you from what matters most.

   
   

When we step into that future self’s shoes, the “must-haves” shrink. What’s left are the intangibles—presence, connection, and purpose.

A Modern Story: Slowing Down to Lead Better

I once worked with a leader whose goal was to include his team more in decision-making. On paper, he was one of the hardest-working and most creative people I’d ever met. In reality, his speed and drive often left others scrambling to keep up. He wanted to help his team but often made decisions for them rather than with them.

Over the course of our work together, he made intentional changes: setting a daily “stop work” timer on his phone, delaying email responses until the next day, and making space for team members to answer questions and solve problems themselves.

His biggest takeaway was striking: “What I thought I was doing to help the team was actually hurting them and us.” By slowing down, listening more, and recognizing that each person responds differently, he gained their respect and built stronger, more open communication.

He didn’t just become a better leader—he also spent more time with his wife and children. In the process, he rediscovered something essential: the people in his life mattered far more than the pace of his work.

The Common Thread

From Buddha to Bishop Barron to Marshall Goldsmith—and even from the story of one determined leader—the message is the same:

• Buddha: Release ego and desire to uncover happiness.

• Bishop Barron: Appreciate without clinging; focus on what lasts—love.

• Goldsmith: Don’t postpone joy; cherish people; live your dreams.

• A modern leader: Slow down and give others space—relationships grow when we value people over speed.

  
  

Five Ways to Stop Chasing Happiness

1. Practice detachment. Enjoy life’s blessings without clinging to them.

2. Consult your older self. Ask, “What would my 95-year-old self want me to do today?”

3. Invest in relationships. Make intentional space for family, friends, and colleagues.

4. Create margin. Build pauses into your day to notice what you already have.

5. Shift from “I want” to “I am grateful.” Gratitude turns scarcity into abundance.

   
   

Conclusion: Happiness Was Never Running Away

We often act as if happiness will arrive with the next achievement or possession. But the combined wisdom of Buddha, Bishop Barron, Marshall Goldsmith—and the real-life experience of a leader who chose to slow down—tells another story.

Happiness isn’t hiding at the finish line. It’s right here, in this moment, when we let go, live lightly, and love deeply.

Stop chasing. Start living.